Succeeding with New Year’s Resolutions

January 2nd, 2012

Statistics show that more than half of resolutions made on January 1 are broken during the first half of the year. There have even been some studies that suggest that more than 90% of resolutions are abandoned within the first 30 days.

If you sometimes struggle to keep your resolutions, the following tips will help you to make and keep resolutions that will improve your life:

  • Before making a resolution or setting a goal, think about what you really want in your life. Many of us make resolutions to do what we think we should do; however, we do not want the results enough to remain committed to the resolution.
  • Ensure that your resolution is realistic and achievable. Many people give up on trying to keep their New Year’s resolutions, because they were hoping to achieve the impossible when they made the resolution.
  • Write your resolution on paper, and keep this piece of paper in a place where you can look at it every day. Research shows that people with written goals are more likely to achieve these goals.
  • Make a commitment to yourself to keep the resolution, ensuring that you understand the effort that will be involved in doing this.
  • Visualize the end result. Close your eyes, and create a mental picture of how this will look. In this mental picture, visualize yourself as you enjoy these results. Repeat this visualization daily, picturing yourself as if you have already achieved your goal.
  • Describe the benefits of your resolutions. It is best to do this on paper, so that you can read the benefits whenever you might struggle to keep the resolution.
  • Develop and implement an action plan. Determine the steps that you will take in order to achieve your goal, and write these down. It is easier to work on one small step at a time than on a big goal.
  • Reward yourself as you reach milestones along the way to achieving your goal. As we give recognition to ourselves for our accomplishments, we expand our enthusiasm and energy to accomplish more.
  • If you make a mistake, give yourself permission to start again. We are all in a constant process of growth and development. We can use our mistakes as learning opportunities and become even stronger than we had been previously.

May 2012 be your best year yet!

——
Joan Eleanor Gustafson is an award-winning professional speaker and leadership coach. She is the author of seven books on success and leadership, which are available through her website (www.leaderdynamics.com), Amazon.com, and major bookstores.

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Leadership Tip: Believe in the Power and Possibilities in People!

April 5th, 2011

True leaders recognize that people are their greatest assets and that they get things done through other people.  They know they can’t do it alone.  Whether you’re leading a corporation, a small business, a community or a social organization, the people around you will determine the magnitude of success of that which you wish to accomplish.  You can become a more effective leader by doing the following:

 1.     Surround yourself with excellent people.

Leaders have learned that one way to attract excellent people into their lives is to believe in their own excellence.  Each of us is a special human being with unique skills, talents, and abilities.  By truly believing in the value of their contributions, leaders will attract those people and things into their life that will ensure the success of their vision and goals.

Effective leaders know that we can control our destiny through our attitude.  Therefore, it is important to remain positive, both when we are with other people and when we are alone.  Positive attracts positive, and excellence attracts excellence; thus, a positive attitude will help to enlist excellent people in support of our vision.

 2.     Align people behind your vision and strategies.

Leaders are passionate about their vision, and they inspire a shared vision.  To enlist support for their vision, leaders need to speak the language of those they wish to enlist.  In order to do this, it is imperative that leaders truly care about the interests of people and understand their needs, desires, hopes, dreams, and aspirations.  A leader’s ability to show that she cares, coupled with her enthusiasm for her vision, will inspire people to commit.

Research has shown that when leaders clearly articulate their vision for an organization, there are higher levels of commitment, motivation, loyalty, productivity, and pride in the organization.  It is of utmost importance to speak positively and from the heart. 

 3.     Generate excitement and enthusiasm.

Excitement and enthusiasm are contagious.  If a leader is truly excited about a vision or a project, others also will become excited and want to be part of it.   John Hersey, leadership specialist and co-author of The 4 Pillars of Contagious Leadership, lists the following advantages for organizations when they practice what he calls contagious leadership:

  • Less attrition
  • Better communications
  • More effective teamwork
  • Higher productivity
  • Increased optimism
  • Renewed creativity
  • Attraction of superior talent
  • Contagious leadership succession

John also discusses the advantages of contagious leadership for individuals within an organization, which include higher productivity and increased optimism, as well as more focus, fulfillment, energy, unleashed creativity, and more fun.

 4.     Create synergy.

Mathematics was one of my majors in college, and it took me a long time to learn that one plus one was really greater than two.  Throughout my education, I had been rewarded for individual achievement.  Once established in a business environment, I became aware of the power of a well-functioning team.  By working with other people who may complement our strengths, we are able to enhance our results.  One of my favorite Japanese proverbs is “None of us is as smart as all of us.”

5.     Develop cooperative relationships and partnerships.

Although we live in a world of competition, the most effective leaders realize that the development of cooperative relationships and partnerships can contribute more to their success than focusing on competition.  This earth is filled with abundance, and our relationships with others will contribute significantly to achieving our goals.

6.     Expect the best from people.

People really do want to do their best, and they will strongly support a leader who believes in them and their abilities.  Early in my career as an information systems supervisor, I had just one person reporting to me.  He was a very bright computer programmer, who was new to this country and to the programming profession.  Although he had not written many programs, I knew that he could accomplish anything he set out to do.  Shortly after he started his job, I needed to leave town for a week.  Before I left, I met with him to explain a new assignment, answer his preliminary questions, and ask him to complete a flow chart and to begin writing the programs while I was gone.  When I returned, he had not only completed the things I had asked him to do, but he had also completed and run the programs successfully.  I’ll never forget his response when I asked him how he had done this so quickly.  He said, “I know you really believed that I would be successful in this assignment.  For this, I wanted to please you, so I worked late every night while you were gone so I could have it done.”

If you expect the best from people, you will get the best from them.

7.     Delegate authority along with responsibility.

My husband is a diabetic and takes insulin.  In order to regulate the glucose level in his blood, he uses a meter to check his blood sugar four times each day.  One day, after eating breakfast, checking his glucose level, taking his insulin and reading the newspaper, he accidentally discarded his glucose meter with the newspaper.  By the time he realized that his glucose meter was in the garbage can, the trash collector had already picked up the garbage.  Not wanting to purchase another glucose meter, he called the manufacturer and asked the customer service representative what could be done.  The representative authorized our local pharmacy to give my husband a new glucose meter at no charge, and she also committed to replace this meter for the pharmacy.

The customer service representative had the responsibility to answer customers’ phone calls and also had the authority to make decisions regarding these calls.  She did not have to ask a supervisor for permission.  The advantages to the company are that the customer service employee knows that she is a valued employee and, as such, has a high degree of job satisfaction, and my husband is a happy customer.  In this case, the company gave away an $80 item free; however, my husband is now a customer for life and will buy test strips for his meter from this company forever.  These test strips cost $3.00 per day.

8.     Contribute to the success of others.

Linda Chandler has made an enormous difference in thousands of people’s lives, both in her leadership roles in several companies and through her seminars and keynote speeches.  When I asked her what she considered her main purpose in life, she said, “I believe very strongly that my purpose on this planet to help people to be all that they can be.  It’s to be there as a leader and to also inspire true leaders.”

Fulfilling the role of a mother provides one of the greatest opportunities for many women to exercise their leadership skills and to contribute to other human beings, from the time they are born to adulthood.  I consider my mother to be one of the greatest leaders I have ever known.

9.     Recognize others for their contributions.

People love to be recognized for their achievements and accomplishments.  In fact, research has shown that recognition is a greater motivator than salary.  (Money can be a de-motivator if there isn’t enough, but studies have shown that increased salary does not necessarily create increased motivation.)

The most effective leaders do not take all the credit themselves for their achievements.  Bob Woodruff once said at Coca Cola, “There is no limit to what a man can achieve as long as he doesn’t care who gets the credit.”  Of course, this is true also for women leaders.

When people are recognized, they are eager to support the leader in every way they can.  In most cases, this means even greater contributions to the leader’s goals and objectives.

10.     Treat others with respect.

Effective company leaders treat their employees as they would have the employees treat their customers.

As a leader, what are some of the other things you do in demonstrating that you believe in the power and possibilities in people?  What have been the results?

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Leaders Grow through Challenge

August 11th, 2010

Effective leaders challenge processes and the “status quo.”

As a young couple was cooking their first big meal in their new home, the wife prepared a roast by cutting off the two ends before placing the roast in the oven.  When her husband asked why she had cut off the ends of the roast, she replied that her mother had always done this.  She then decided to phone her mother to learn the reason for doing this.  When the mother’s response was that her mother had done it this way, the couple phoned the grandmother.  Grandma’s reply was stated very simply when she said, “That was the only way the roast would fit into my roasting pan!”

How often in business, and in life, have you heard someone say, “But we have always done it this way”?  In my studies of effective leaders, I’ve determined that all effective leaders challenge existing processes.  They seek challenges and look for ways to innovate, to make things better.  Leaders actually embrace change. 

Innovation, challenge, and change require the willingness to take risks.  In The Leadership Challenge, James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner say, “Whenever leaders experiment with innovative ways of doing things, they put themselves and others at risk.  Yet if we want to lead efforts to improve the way things are, we must be willing to take risks; we must, to paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, do the things we think we cannot.” 

In On Becoming a Leader, Warren Bennis states that leaders have curiosity and daring.  Wanting to learn as much as they can, they are willing to take risks, to experiment, and to innovate.  “They wring knowledge and wisdom from every mistake and learn from adversity.”

Erica Jong said, “If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

Change is inevitable in today’s world.  In his best seller, Thriving on Chaos, Tom Peters declares, “the world has not just turned upside down.  It is turning every which way at an accelerating pace….  Today, loving change, tumult, even chaos is a prerequisite for survival, let alone success.”

Paul G. Stoltz, Ph.D., author of the best-selling book, Adversity Quotient: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities, states, “Without adversity, we can never unleash our greatness.”  Many of the contributors to my women’s leadership book, Some Leaders Are Born Women, attested to this.  Rather than being consumed by a victim mentality, they looked at the major challenges in their lives as growth opportunities and say now that they have become strong leaders because of the adversities, rather than in spite of them.

Helen Keller is an example of a much-admired leader, who overcame major adversity in her life.  Shut off from the world by an illness that left her blind and deaf at age eighteen months, Helen later grew into a highly sensitive woman who spent her life writing, speaking, and working for the betterment of others.  Until the age of ten when Annie Sullivan came to be her teacher, Helen was uncontrollable.  Through patience and care, Annie was able to teach Helen to speak and to live a “normal” life.

In 1904, Helen became the first deaf-blind person to graduate from college.  While a student at Radcliffe, she began her writing career, which continued for 50 years.  She wrote twelve books and numerous articles on blindness, deafness, social issues, and women’s rights.  She brought a message of love, courage, and hope to millions of disabled people. 

In the Helen Keller story, there is another great leader – Annie Sullivan, Helen’s teacher, who is often called “the miracle worker.”  Some might say that Annie was just doing her job; however, by doing her job and by truly caring, Annie was able to bring a ten-year-old deaf-blind girl back into the world.  Because of Annie’s caring leadership, Helen was able to grow and make her enormous contribution to the world.

Strong leaders grow through challenges and adversity.  They challenge processes and the “status quo,” look for ways to innovate, and embrace change.  They also establish a sense of urgency, create short-term wins, and are excited about the future.  By doing so, they are creating opportunities for growth. 

How have challenges in your life contributed to your growth?

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Essential Characteristics for Today’s Leaders

July 29th, 2010

What is a leader?  Although many businesspeople have used the terms leadership and management interchangeably, they are not the same.  Traditional management consists of planning, budgeting, organizing, staffing, directing, and controlling.  Leadership, on the other hand, consists of creating a vision; developing strategies; aligning, motivating, inspiring, and energizing people; and establishing direction. 

A manager produces short-term results, whereas a leader produces dramatic change.  It has been said that both leaders and managers do things right, but leaders also do the right things. 

Jill Lublin, author of Guerrilla Publicity and several other books, said, “A leader is someone who is willing to take a stand, a person who is willing to get going, regardless of how difficult things are at the moment or may be in the future.  A leader keeps moving forward, and being a leader starts from the inside.”

Linda Chandler, who owns several companies and is a sought-after motivational speaker, adds that we are all leaders in our own lives.  “True leaders are those that create the most value in the world,” she said.  “They do this through the power of their ideas, the intensity of their commitment and passion, and the authenticity of their character.”

During my research on characteristics, skills, and habits of today’s leaders, I determined that the most effective leaders shared the following seven characteristics/practices:

  1. Leaders dare to dream.  As visionaries, effective leaders see beyond the obvious.  Engaging in the process of visualization, they know that they can achieve their dreams.
  2. Leaders grow through challenge.  Almost every leader I interviewed had overcome major challenges to become successful.  They understand the importance of taking risks, and they embrace change.
  3. Leaders set powerful goals.  Effective leaders know that they can achieve goals that others might consider impossible, and they know how to integrate their goals with their vision.
  4. Leaders focus on the power and possibilities in people.  Understanding that people want to contribute their best efforts, effective leaders are able to accomplish more through people. 
  5. Leaders communicate effectively.  Since leadership involves getting things done through other people, effective leaders not only articulate well but they are also excellent listeners.
  6. Leaders set high standards and live accordingly.  Integrity is of utmost importance to the best leaders, and they lead by example.
  7. Leaders live their priorities.  Because effective leaders know and live their priorities, they are able to devote their time to those activities that are most important in their lives.

Whether you know it or not, there is a leader within you.  You could be a leader in business or in medicine.  You could be a leader in politics or in a civic organization.  You could also be a leader in your community or in a charitable organization.  Even if you choose not to lead an organization, you have it within you to be the leader within your own life and sphere of influence. 

How do you define leadership?  Which characteristics and practices do you think are most important for leaders in today’s world?

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What is this thing called success, and how do you attain it?

July 14th, 2010
What does success look like to you?

When asked this question, many of us might point to someone else and say that he or she is successful; however, we may be judging success by observing only one dimension of this person’s life. In selecting interview candidates for my books on success, my first criterion was that the interviewees needed to be successful in their own minds.

Most of the people I interviewed for my books are businesspersons. Although they all have attained success in their careers, they agree that a successful career is not the only component of a successful life. They are confident that they would be successful in any career they might have chosen and are happy with the person they are and what they’re doing.

Defining Success

How do you personally define success?

When I have asked this question of those I have interviewed, I have received different answers from each of them. Following are some of the responses:

  • Success is a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment.
  • Success is being able to look at the person in the mirror every morning and feel good that you are achieving what you set out to achieve and done so in an honorable way.
  • Success is positive contribution to self, society, and the environment.
  • Success is a feeling of continually moving forward but the ability to be happy standing still.
  • Success is feeling happy each day.
  • Success is the achievement of goals that are important to me.
  • Success is a balance in personal and professional life.
  • Success is living comfortably with who you are and what you have.
  • Success is not only having a fulfilling career where I know I am making a difference, but it’s also having time to pursue outside interests.
  • Success is having peace of mind, free from unnecessary concern over the future and being able to dwell in the now moment.
  • Success is when both my work and my personal life are fulfilling.
  • Success is being known as a person with values and integrity.
  • Success is a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual balance in one’s life.
  • Business success is achieving a position in a profession the individual enjoys.
  • Success is maintaining personally acceptable levels of progress toward identifiable personal goals.
  • If I can positively touch one person, plant a seed, or do a good act, each day, then that day is successful.
  • Success is the quiet peace of knowing I did my absolute best.
  • Success is enjoying each day.
  • Success is achieving one’s full potential.

Becoming Successful

I truly believe that each of us has the potential to achieve greatness. To do this, you first need to believe in yourself.

When I was fourteen years old, my goal was to be a computer programmer, even though this was not a common field for women at that time. I believed that I could do this. Although I took some detours along the way, I became a computer programmer. Later, after I had designed computer systems for marketing and sales, I decided that I wanted to combine my computer experience with marketing to enhance the effectiveness of marketing and sales. This led to the management of functions that did not exist before I became involved in them, including an international marketing management position with offices in Paris and Brussels. All along, I knew that I could do it. And I did!

Once you have defined what success looks like for you, the next step is to visualize that success. Remember to visualize the result of this success as if it has already happened.

Be aware of your priorities in life, and set your goals and act according to these priorities. Be sure that your priorities are aligned with your values and your definition of success. The more you act according to your priorities, the more likely it will be that you will enjoy success.

Take time to focus on those things that are most important to you. You may need to practice focusing exercises in order to increase your ability to focus.

Evaluate your attitude each day, and stay away from the three C’s – complaining, criticizing, and condemning. The more positive your attitude, the more you will attract that which is positive into your life.

Personal integrity is tantamount to success. Before making a commitment, be sure that you will keep it. Let your word be your bond.

Create balance in your life. Take time to be spontaneous and to have fun. We are meant to enjoy life.

Take advantage of every opportunity to learn. Before going to bed each night, think about the things that you have learned that day and the ways you will apply these things in creating your ideal life and in enriching the lives of others.

More information on each of the above success principles is contained in my previous blog posts.

So how do you define success? And how do you assure you are successful according to your definition?

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Making Time to Learn

July 8th, 2010

In watching each of my grandchildren, I am often amazed at how much they learn in a short amount of time. What’s the difference between the way they learn and how I learn?

  • Do they have a greater need or a greater desire? I don’t think that’s the case.
  • Do I procrastinate more? Perhaps, I do.
  • Do I have more things on my “to do” list? Definitely!

However, I know that the more I commit to myself to learning, the more I am able to achieve and exceed my objectives in life.

What are some of the things you do to incorporate learning into your life? Following are nine suggestions:

Obtain a formal education.
In addition to being an excellent opportunity to learn, formal education opens doors. If your work experience is limited, a formal education is a way to let prospective employers and clients know that you can persevere, meet objectives, and succeed.

Attend seminars and workshops.
Each day, thousands of seminars, workshops, and conferences are offered in various locations around the world. Many of these are related to particular professions, and others provide personal growth and development. Some of them are free of charge, such as workshops offered by some church groups and non-profit organizations.

Be selective when determining which seminars, workshops, and conferences to attend. Because of the number of these types of learning opportunities available, make sure that the ones you attend are the ones that will be the most beneficial, either professionally or personally.

Read books, magazines, newspapers, and information available on the Internet.
A wealth of information on myriad subjects is available in print and via the Internet. One of the great things about learning from these sources is that you can engage in this type of learning from almost anyplace, including in the comfort of your own home.

My advice in selecting reading material is the same as that for selecting conferences and workshops. Because of the quantity of books, magazines, and newspapers available, we need to be selective. This applies to the reading we do for enjoyment, as well as the reading that we do in order to learn. It is unrealistic and counterproductive to attempt to read everything that comes into our homes or offices. Attempting to do so becomes overwhelming and can cause one to neglect priorities.

Enhance your listening skills.
Listening to the spoken word is another way that we can learn. By listening to that which is happening around us, we learn so much more than we do when we are speaking. A mother learns to identify her baby’s needs by listening to the baby’s different cries. A child learns to stay away from danger by listening to his or her mother’s warnings. A factory worker learns to perform her job responsibilities by listening to her foreperson’s instructions. We all learn by listening to those who know more about a subject than we do.

By spending more time listening and less time talking, we create learning opportunities that will increase our effectiveness and, ultimately, our success.

Listen to recorded media.
We are living in a time of convenience with the many classes, seminars, and books that are available on recorded media. If you have a media player in your car, you are able to make your driving time more productive by listening to this media. An alternative to purchasing the media is to check it out at the local library or to exchange any media you have with others.

If your only venue for listening to recorded media is your car, it is advisable to listen to the same material several times (five or six times) to maximize your learning opportunity. Certainly, if you listen to a recording for the first time while driving, you might want to also make time available to listen to it a second time when you can give it your full attention and take notes. You can then use these notes as you develop your learning plan.

Learn from life’s experiences.
When my daughter was a teenager, I felt that I was constantly protecting and correcting her. When I realized that she resented this, I told her that I had made many mistakes in my life and that I would like to help her to learn from my mistakes. I thought that this would protect her from experiencing some of the pain I had felt as a result of these mistakes. Her answer surprised me when she said, “Mom, don’t you think I will learn more from my own mistakes than I will learn from yours?” As much as I disliked the idea of my child experiencing pain, I realized she was right. We can learn from the experiences of others, but we learn even more from our own experiences, both positive and negative.

Challenge yourself with new experiences.
Each of us has the opportunity to learn by challenging ourselves with new experiences. Start by making a list of areas in your life that you want to strengthen. From this, you can do some brainstorming regarding the things you might do in order to develop the new strength you desire.

Work with a personal and/or professional coach or mentor.
There are thousands of professional coaches available to assist individuals in learning how to create success in their lives. People hire coaches for many reasons, including the following:

  • To set better goals
  • To make significant changes
  • To make better decisions
  • To make a bigger impact on the world
  • To increase income or revenues
  • To become a better businessperson

A coach or a mentor can be a valuable asset to you as you develop your learning plan and take action to create success in your life.

Develop a personal learning plan. Do you have a personal learning plan? If not, you are not alone, as most people do not take the time to develop such plans. As a result, many people participate in learning activities that do not align with their top priorities and goals.

A personal learning plan need not be elaborate; nor does it need to take a long time to develop. Start by reviewing your priorities and goals and determining what it is that you need to know in order to achieve what you want in life. From there, you can decide the best methods for learning that which you need and/or want to know.

Continuous, lifelong learning is important to success. Albert Einstein once said, “Education is that which remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.”

Do you have a personal learning plan? Have you determined how you might learn the things you need to know for maximizing your success?

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Smelling the Roses

May 27th, 2010

When I received the job offer for my European assignment at 3M, my husband and I were both excited about the opportunity ahead of us. Long before we left the United States, I developed goals and objectives for the European job. I wanted to make sure that my accomplishments were significant during the two years that I would be there and didn’t give much thought to the wonderful adventures that would be available.

After I had been in Europe for two weeks, I sent a status report through electronic mail to my United States human resource manager. I will always cherish his response. He started by complimenting me on what I had already accomplished in the two weeks that I had been in Europe. He then added some advice by saying, “You will be given a lot of vacation time while you are on your European assignment. Be sure you take this time, and make it a point to see as much of Europe as you can. There are too many people who return from expatriate assignments, never having taken advantage of the opportunity to explore the areas where they have lived. Many will remark, ‘I worked so hard that I missed the party.’ Enjoy the party while you are there!”

I am grateful that this advice came very early during my European assignment. It allowed me to rethink my priorities and make the adjustments necessary to “enjoy the party” while still making the significant impact that I had planned. In fact, I think that the reason I was able to exceed my job objectives was due in part to the enjoyment of the adventures I experienced. Since my husband was retired, he was able to travel with me on many of my business trips. I would plan meetings in London for Fridays and Mondays, so that we would be there for the weekend to spend time with friends, visit museums, and go to the theatre. When we weren’t in London or sightseeing in France, we would take short weekend trips to Germany, the Netherlands, and Belgium. We cruised the Mediterranean and Black Seas and took vacations in Italy, Spain, and Portugal. We also entertained many friends who visited us in France, and we enjoyed every minute of it. The added bonus was that I was able to exceed my objectives for the job assignment and to enjoy my work even more than I had anticipated.

Are you taking time to enjoy the moment and bring pleasure into your life? You might start by answering the following questions:

  • Do I regularly take time for myself?
  • Do I enjoy the company of special people?
  • Do I enjoy the social events I attend?
  • Do I live my priorities?
  • Is my work challenging and fulfilling?
  • Do I engage in recreational activities?
  • Do I have at least one hobby?
  • Do I take care of my health and have regular checkups?
  • Do I exercise regularly?
  • Do I give to others?
  • Am I a grateful receiver?
  • Do I have a way to relax that eliminates stress?
  • Do I feel energized at the end of most work days?

If you have answered “yes” to all of these questions, congratulations! Otherwise, the following suggestions may be of help:

Be in the present.

A colleague once said, “Being fully in the present is a gift. It is a gift to yourself as well as to others. You literally create your future with your thoughts and actions. When you are fully in the present, you are totally involved and alert to opportunities. The people you encounter subjectively sense whether or not you are fully with them. This has a great impact on the quality of your personal and business relationships.”

Enjoy your work.

Are you working at a job that you love? If not, is there any possibility that you can make a change? A change does not necessarily mean a totally different job. It could mean adding or subtracting something from your current job in order to make it more enjoyable.

Take time for yourself.

Do you take time for yourself? When is the last time you went for a walk in the park and enjoyed nature? Enjoyed a bubble bath? Had lunch with a friend? Read a book? If you had an entire day to do something spontaneous, what would it be? Why not do it now?

Give to others.

Have you ever noticed how good you feel when you give to someone else? Some people wait to give until they can afford to buy an extravagant gift. This is not necessary, as it is usually the non-material gifts that the receiver values most. This can be as simple as a smile or a compliment. It can be the simple gift of showing someone that you care by giving him or her your attention. It can be taking the time to tell someone that you appreciate him or her. Although these gifts do not cost anything, they can be the most precious to both the receiver and the giver.

Engage in recreational activities.

The word recreation contains the root word create, which means “to cause to exist.” By preceding this word with the prefix re, which means “again” or “anew,” we are saying that we are causing a new existence of ourselves. We are refreshing our lives, both mentally and physically.

Express and feel gratitude.

Part of expressing gratitude is becoming a gracious receiver. Many people think that they should always be the giver, rather than the receiver; hence they have difficulty in accepting that which is given to them. Many have told me that they think they are not worthy or deserving.

Dr. Deepak Chopra suggests that we gratefully receive all the gifts that life has to offer us. These gifts include gifts of nature, such as sunlight, the sounds of singing birds, spring showers, and the beauty of the first snow of winter. They also include gifts from others, both material and non-material.

Stopping to “smell the roses” is more than a cliché. It points out the importance of appreciating beauty, human relationships, and the things that are most important to us. It offers the opportunity to reflect, to decrease stress, and to add balance to our lives. This not only contributes to, but also enhances any success we may achieve.

My wish for you is that you seize the joy of the day, savor each moment as special, and appreciate the beauty of life!

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Does integrity mean just telling the truth?

May 6th, 2010

When I was in my early thirties, I decided to take up the game of golf. During my first year on the golf course, my scores were sometimes almost twice as high as those of some of my playing partners. Since I was the ultimate perfectionist, this was extremely embarrassing to me. As we called out our scores after each hole, I would be tempted to lower my score by one or two points so that it wouldn’t sound quite as bad as it was. A tempting voice inside me would say, “Make up a number. They probably can’t count that high anyway.” I would think about it and finally answer the voice, saying, “But I would know it, and I am the one who has to live with myself.”

What does integrity mean to you? In the case of my golf score, I considered integrity to be an honesty issue. Although honesty contributes to integrity, there are more aspects to integrity than just telling the truth. Integrity is unique for each of us.

As you are thinking about your level of integrity, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do I tell the truth?
  • Is my word my bond?
  • Do my promises have value?
  • Do I do what I say I am going to do?
  • Am I committed to commitment?

According to the late Thomas Leonard, founder of Coach University, integrity is the result of having the following three conditions in one’s life:

  • Resolution of all important matters – This includes the correction of any wrongs, making any personal changes necessary to ensure one’s life works well, and fully handling every task and job that one decides to do.
  • Alignment and balance in life – Alignment, in this case, means that our goals are aligned with our values and priorities, our actions are based on what is true for us, and our commitments are aligned with our vision or purpose in life.
  • Responsibility – In speaking about integrity, the word “responsibility” means being responsible for that which occurs in one’s life. This includes handling whatever happens and making necessary adjustments to prevent this type of problem in the future. Thomas Leonard said that responsible people do not blame, complain, or point fingers at other people. They just handle the situation. I agree.

The following exercise will help you to work on and increase your personal integrity:

Make a list of the ways that your life is currently “in integrity.” Pat yourself on the back, because you are on your way to success as you strengthen your personal integrity.

Make a list of the ways that you are not now “in integrity.” In addition to thinking about honesty, ask yourself questions like the following:

  • Do I pay my bills on time?
  • Do I do what I say I will do? (For example, if you tell someone that you will call him or her, do you make that call?)
  • Do I meet my time commitments?
  • Am I working at the right job for me?
  • Am I associating with people who are uplifting and positive?

Analyze the source of each item on your list from number 2 above. If these items are important to you, be sure to resolve all of them before moving to the next step. You might start by listing the consequences that result from each of them. Then write the changes you would need to make in order to eliminate the consequences and bring integrity to these parts of your life.

Make a commitment to start living a life of integrity, as you define it. Your integrity is unique to you, and you are the one who will decide what it means for you. You need to commit to commitment.

Let go of at least ten “shoulds,” “coulds,” “oughts,” and “wills.” In doing this, realize that it is impossible to be all things to all people.

Involve a coach or another strong person to help you. Find an individual who is interested in partnering with you to help you to improve your personal integrity. This should be someone who truly cares about your well-being, wants the best for you, and is willing to tell you the truth.

Stop spending time with people who are not the best role models. You know who these people are. Concentrate on spending your time with those people who are uplifting and from whom you receive the gift of positive energy.

Develop a realistic action plan for improving your personal integrity. Keep this action plan simple. Include elements that you can actually do, rather than things that might occur.

Personal integrity is a personal choice. The benefits of living in integrity are numerous. As people increase their level of integrity, they begin to become aware of the following in their life:

  • More energy
  • An effortlessness feeling about achieving the results they want
  • Much less stress
  • The attraction of more fulfilling people who are consistently reliable, empowering, loving, and inspiring
  • A richer and more successful life

In Golden Nuggets, Sir John Templeton says, “Probably the greatest secret to peace of mind is living the life of personal integrity – not what people think of you, but what you know of yourself. If you remain true to your ethical principles, your personal integrity can become an attractive beacon for success on every level. Listen carefully to the inner promptings of conscience and live peacefully.”

When I interviewed people for my books on success, I asked them to rate each of my success principles on a scale of 1 to 5, depending on how critical the principle was to their success. They all rated integrity as a “5.”

Personal integrity is of utmost importance to success. It is your personal foundation on which you can build the person you want to be.

What does integrity mean to you?

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How to Control Your Destiny through Your Attitude

April 20th, 2010

At a meeting several years ago, I met a woman who was a champion at making lemonade whenever life dealt her lemons. I had never before known anyone with an attitude as positive as hers. At the beginning of the meeting, we introduced ourselves and shared our reasons for participation in this series of meetings.

This particular woman had recently moved to Minnesota from Washington, D.C. Her position in Washington had been eliminated. She said that, even though she had enjoyed her job there, losing it was a wonderful opportunity to look at other positions and to determine what she would like to do next. She found a position in Minnesota and rented an apartment about 25 miles from the office where she worked. She even talked about how fantastic it was to have an hour-long commute to and from her new job, as she was able to see much of the city and to listen to motivating tapes while she was driving.

Others who heard her told me later that they didn’t think she was “for real.” As I got to know her, though, I realized that she was truly genuine. As others in the group began to know her, they began to strive to be more like her. They recognized that she was attracting positive people and things into her life through her attitude.

Later, when I was hiring people for a new department, this woman was one of the first people I hired. Her attitude and enthusiasm were contagious, and she contributed significantly to the success of this department.

In conducting research for my e-book, Success without Struggle: How to Control Your Destiny through Your Attitude, I found that the following practices actually made people more positive and contributed to better outcomes in their lives:

As Dale Carnegie taught so many years ago, refrain from the three Cs: complaining, criticizing, and condemning. They rob our time and also drag us down into a spiral of negativity. The messages they send to the subconscious mind inhibit our success. By eliminating complaining, criticizing, and condemning, we become more positive. On the mental level, positive attracts positive, and negative attracts negative. Positive thoughts help attract more positive experiences into our lives. This begins an upward spiral. As we begin to see things in a more positive way, we become more positive. As we become more positive, we increase our potential for success.

Eliminate worry from your life. Just as most successful people do not waste time complaining, criticizing and condemning, they also do not waste time worrying. They realize that worry not only generates negative energy, but it also does not make the source of the worry any better.

Shortly after I met my husband, Cliff, he had a heart attack. Afterward, I lived in constant fear that he would have another one. When I didn’t hear from him at the beginning of the day, it would affect my thoughts on other things. Of course, Cliff sensed my anxiety, and this did not enhance our relationship. When I finally decided to stop worrying, our relationship blossomed, my mind became more clear for positive thoughts, I became more productive, people noticed my more positive attitude, and I was promoted at work. I learned that I could care, but that did not mean that I needed to worry.

Many of us have serious concerns, such as life-threatening illnesses in our families. Worrying does not cure an illness, and we can become sick from the worry. Once we decide to stop worrying, we are better able to handle the situation that might have been the object of our worry.

Put on a happy face. Have you ever noticed how people seem to want to please you more when you smile at them? To me, they appear to be more friendly and outgoing. When I realized this, I started to consciously observe people’s reactions as I smiled at them while walking through the long corridors of my company’s office complex. I discovered that whenever I smiled, the recipient of the smile would return the smile. This, in turn, lifted my spirits. As a result, my smile became more genuine as I met the next person. As you smile at other people, you’ll discover that your smiles are contagious.

Look for the good in everything. I once attended a class given by a chiropractor who had developed an excellent chiropractic procedure, which not only included adjustments but also education on nutrition and forgiveness. During the class sessions, he discussed the subconscious mind and the fact that thought precedes action, even physical action/reaction within our bodies.

This wise Doctor of Chiropractic explained that the secret to recovery in many of these cases was forgiveness. Sometimes, unknowingly, we carry grudges for things that happened to us at some time during our lives. If we do some serious soul-searching, there might be people whom we have not forgiven.

In class, we learned the three steps of forgiveness:

  1. Forgive the person who may have wronged us.
  2. Forgive ourselves for carrying a grudge, whether it was intentional or unintentional.
  3. Look for the good in whatever it was that happened to us. This is the most difficult step, but it is necessary for the process to work.

There were some people in the class who were very ill and had traveled to doctors throughout the country in search of cures for their illnesses. It seemed to me that I witnessed miracles occurring that week when many of these ill people were relieved of their symptoms. In following up after the class, I learned that, for most of these people, the symptoms never returned.

Know that you can do it. A positive attitude, combined with self-affirmation, contributes to success. If you continually tell yourself that you can accomplish your objectives, it will significantly increase the likelihood of doing just that. Many years ago after being told that she could not be a stockbroker in her company because she was a woman, one woman still knew that she could be a very good stockbroker. She changed companies and not only became an excellent stockbroker but later became a senior vice president and investment executive in her company.

Laugh. There is healing power in laughter. This power can heal us mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. Laughter helps to relieve stress. After a long day at the office, a good laugh will revitalize me. It brings with it a good feeling, a feeling of lightness, a feeling of joy. I also find it enjoyable to spend time with people who have a sense of humor, as it is difficult to have both a good sense of humor and a bad attitude.

Value other people. Each individual on this earth is a miracle. Each of us has unique skills, talents, and abilities. We all live in a connected universe and contribute to the growth of one another. We are partners in the creation of good for all of us. As we show respect for others as individuals, we, in turn, gain respect.

People are precious, even those people who seem to be cross or ornery and those who seem to stand in the way of our achieving our objectives. If we value them and show that we care about them as people, we might be surprised at the difference we will see in them. By adjusting our attitude toward them, we might just see a change in their attitude toward us.

A positive attitude can open doors to opportunities. It has for me, and it will for you, too!

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The Key Is to Focus!

March 30th, 2010

Recently, I read that we are living during a time of shrinking concentration spans and less focus. Wondering why people are focusing less now than before, I asked a cross-section of business people what they thought.

Following are some of their answers regarding possible reasons for less concentration and shorter attention spans:

  • There are so many communication devices that interrupt a person’s time. We have cell phones, pagers, call waiting, Internet instant messages, etc.
  • We are constantly rushing from one activity to another, without a moment in between. This does not allow for periods of exploration in the woods, fishing, taking a walk, or just concentration.
  • In our hurry-up world of fragmented communications, we have become accustomed to multi-tasking.
  • The invention of the television remote control has enabled us to shorten our attention span.
  • Since we live in a fast-paced, hurry-up world, multi-tasking and getting things done fast are necessities of life. However, when we are working on a major goal, we need to set aside time just to focus on that goal.

Alexander Hamilton once said, “Men give me credit for genius. All the genius I have lies in this: When I have a subject in hand, I study it profoundly. Day and night, it is before me. I explore it in all its bearings. My mind becomes pervaded with it. Then … people are pleased to call [the effort that I made] the fruit of genius. It is the fruit of labor and thought.” To this statement, I add that it is also the fruit of focus and concentration.

In today’s complicated world, multiple distractions vie for our attention at any given time. The way in which we deal with these distractions determines how well we are able to focus on our goals and priorities. If you will take the time during the next 24 hours to observe how you handle distractions, you might have some surprises. During this time period, write each distraction as it occurs. After recording a distraction on paper, write a comment on how you handled this distraction. At the end of the 24 hours, review your notes, observe any patterns that may exist, congratulate yourself for the times that you handled the distraction well, and determine where you can make some improvements.

Following are some methods that successful people use to handle distractions:

  • Set aside quiet time during the day to focus on your top priorities or action steps. During these quiet times, stay away from the telephone and other sources of interruption, allowing interruptions for emergencies only.
  • Decrease the stress in your body and your mind by practicing relaxation exercises before you start focusing on a priority or action step.
  • Keep a piece of paper and a pen at hand while you are concentrating on a project or task. When an unrelated thought enters your mind, write it down. These thoughts can be reviewed at a later time.
  • Periodically during the next month, repeat the exercise of recording your distractions and the methods that you use to deal with them. Note the progress that you are making in this area.

Before the 1993 Superbowl, Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson gave his team a pep talk. He told them that, if he laid a two-by-four plank on the floor, each of them would walk across it and not fall. The reason for this would be that their focus would be on walking the plank. “But if I put the same two-by-four ten stories high between two buildings,” said Johnson, “only a few would make it.” This would be because the focus would be on falling. He told his team not to focus on the crowd, the media, or the possibility of losing. Instead, they were to focus on each play of the game, just as if it were a good practice session. The Dallas Cowboys won the game 52 to 17.

If we focus on winning, we will win. If we focus on accomplishing our goals, we will accomplish our goals. If we focus on success, we will be successful.

The key is to focus.

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